I have been asked a few times on how I am able to afford caring for my mother full time when I no longer work. The question is a legit one because anyone who have been caring for a loved one from an elderly bedridden parent to a child with chronic medical condition would know the expenses involved are huge.
Hence in this post I would like to share on how I am able to sustain financially as this is my 7th year being my mom’s full time caregiver where she has been bedridden for about 3.5 years. Because it is important for anyone who wishes to quit their job to sort out the finances before deciding to do so.
Sources of money to pay for my mom’s medical charges, disposables and living expenses:
1. My mom’s monthly pension
My mom worked as a staffnurse with the government. She opted for early retirement in order to come out to work in private to fund tertiary education. Therefore, she did not get a full pension but she still got a partial pension payment. That pension help to pay for our living expenses in Thailand and to cover the cost of my insurance payment.
2. Financial assistance from my brother
My brother has a full time job hence he is helping us financially each month. By nature, my brother is a frugal person and do not spend unnecessarily. Hence when my mom’s condition worsen and we need more money, my brother helped out financially. Each month, it is a deficit for him, ie he had to dig into his Savings as he also have a wife, household maintance and a property that he had to finance….. so his earnings currently are not enough to cover for my mom’s medical expenses. He has to dig into the savings each month to pay for my mom. And my mom’s savings is quickly drying up.
3. Family Savings
As my mom grew up in poverty, by nature she was always conservative with money. She would try to save as much money as she can. After I came out to work, I would give my mom pocket money each month to spend and on top of that, I also cover most of the household expenses such as utility, groceries and purchase of new items and renovations, etc. With this, my mom and my brother literally did not need to spend on anything and both of them saved up the money. Over the years, my mom saved up most of the pocket money I gave her and kept in the joint account with my brother. Reason she did not put in my joint account with her is because she knew by nature I tend to go on spending sprees. This turned out to be a blessing because we now need that money to finance my mom’s expenses.
So after years of working, with income higher than my brother, I have much less savings compared to him. I never thought I would need to ‘retire’ early and did not prepare for it. This really served as a lesson for anyone…. please save as much and don’t spend unnecessarily.
Expenses would build up with time
When I first resigned from my job in 2017, my mom was still mobile, able to eat by herself. I resigned because first she had acute liver cirrhosis (hardening of the liver) resulting in ascites (swelling) and jaundice. That time I was able to get help from a Thai friend who flew over to help care for her while I go to work. As she cooked for my mom each day, my mom’s condition gradually improved- ie her jaundice receded and the swelling disappeared. But my mom’s condition has no cure, and require lifelong medication of Entercavir to keep the hepatitis B virus in her liver under control and prevent from destroying her liver (she likely had contracted the virus from the blood transfusion during her surgery over 20 years ago due to tonsil cancer- that time blood were not screened).
Prior to my resignation, I did take one month of no pay leave to try to sort out on getting help and getting my home in order…. ie making it more elderly friendly. But tried as I could, I could not get a long term help and sending her to any home is out of the question. Due to being at home with her, I started realizing she was actually very forgetful and would make up story to cover things she forget. ie she would say she had eaten but actually she did not. I’ve voiced my concern with others that my mom could be having Alzheimers but everyone around me including her doctor ex boss and retired nurses friend as well as her doctors did not think she had Alzheimers because she spoke so well to them.
But then came a fall which caused her to be in a lot of pain- and one morning, she held my hand as I was going to work to ask me if it is okay that I do not work that day. That time, my friend was keeping her company but the pain from her fall caused that tough shell that she always had with her to crack.
I went in to work that day and tendered my resignation. That day also happen to fall on my brother’s birthday so yeah I would remember the date always.
For the initial years, my mom’s pension alone was enough to cover our living expenses. I took no salary or allowance but only to her help to finance my monthly insurance payments. From working in corporate environment, I kept my mom company, attended to her needs, cleaned the house, buy groceries and cooked.
I cut down drastically on my personal expenses and limit them to purchase what was necessary. And to my surprise, I find that when I am no longer working in the corporate world, I was more contended and happier ….. and no longer had the urge to splurge….. because I was having more and more inner peace. Even though that time I got kinda ghosted by a lot of people in my social circle. But in losing them, the door opened to new authentic and meaningful relationships.
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Even after when we first moved to Thailand, expenses were not tight as my mom was still able to move around slowly by herself even though she would require a walker and if long distance like visiting a mall, a wheelchair.
By 2020, my mom was formally diagnosed with mid stage Alzheimer’s by a neurologist. And by June 2021, my mom was losing her swallowing reflex resulting her not eating enough to sustain her life. That time she was receiving medical treatment at a private hospital for her chronic liver condition and also to monitor her high blood pressure and cholesterol.
The specialists said she would require tube feeding to sustain her life. With that, we knew we could not afford private hospital hence she was moved to a government hospital in Thailand where the ER doctors also said the same, ie to place her on NG tube. We have the procedure done, and from then on, she became bedridden.
Expenses of disposables such as diapers and tube feeding food (sourced from the hospital) start to build up. On top of that, my mom was constantly in and out of hospital due to lung related infection caused by her inability to clear the phlegm and secretions from her throat due to losing the swallong reflex. She would get hospitalized few times a year, including twice from Covid.
Last year, she was in ICU and had a tracheostomy done. With a tracheostomy, her lung condition stabilized as it was easy to suction out the phlegm so through suction we could clear her secretions easily. But then, new medical conditions were being discovered….. she had contracted a superbug which still resides in her body due to prolonged hospital stay and early this year it was discovered she had pericardium effusion, ie swelling in the pericardium membrane of the heart due to chronic infection. She also require assisted oxygen round the clock and each time she had to go to hospital for checkup, she needed to be transported in an ambulance because she required assisted oxygen.
In the span of these three years, her medical and related expenses have gone up trememdously. We are now digging into savings each month to be able to pay for these expenses. The savings my mom kept with my brother is almost running out and I’ve started to dig into my own savings to pay for spikes in expenses.
My mom now require round the clock caregiving which would be astronomical if we had to hire help as she now require specialized nursing care such as daily change of trach wound dressing, phlegm suction, bed bath, feeding and monitoring the changes and her conditions. And it is very difficult to get a caregiver who would care the same because understandabily she is not their loved one. Therefore financially, it is not feasible for me to come out to work because I would not be able to earn enough to afford round the clock nursing for her, as well to cover all her medical expenses.
It does not matter…. for so long as the money has not run out, we would continue in our best to care for her. After the tracheostomy, thankfully she had not been hospitalized for conditions like pneunomia hence the expenses had dropped this year but still require to dig into savings.
If my mom and my brother had not been frugal in the past, and my mom had not served the governement, I definitely would not be able to quit my job and had to continue to work to pay for her medical expenses.
But that being said, these past 7 years have been the most meaningful period in my life. I’ve never belonged to the corporate world, even though I’ve figured out a way to work there without selling my soul and got quite well compensated for my effort. Thankfully, my years in corporate gave me savings that hopefully would be enough for me to live on in a simple and modest life.
So this is how we financially manage with me as a full time caregiver. Hope this clarifies.
Note: I’ve been a blogger for like 20 years or more. When I first become a caregiver, I decided to turn on monetization on this blog to show ads (in the past I’ve turn off the ads as I was financing the hosting with my work salary). Initially I could earn a little extra that helped with living expenses. But since about last year or so, the earnings from my blog is not enough to even cover the hosting and related software fees. Due to Google change in SEO, even many established websites and people who make a full time living with blogs had seen their livelihood wiped out overnight. What’s more a small timer like me who only blog as a hobby. But it is okay, because in some ways, I take after my mom, ie deep down, I want to give back what I have learned and I find I do it best with my own domain and paid hosting. In order to pay for my hosting renewal (USD700 plus for 3 years), I liquidated a fixed deposit that I’ve kept for a few years.